UPDAAAAATE
I’m a comfortador also. In the time of gods and monsters, what is the worth of a man? Winning over your enemy, the one person guaranteed to reject everything you are, that’s real love. You haven’t seen my drawer of inappropriate starches? These are stone killers, little man. They ain’t cuddly like me.
Now I’m just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. I figure, if I’m responsible for the end of the world, I get to name it. Sweetie, if he had a tussle with that Sasquatch, we’d be in the dirt right about now, scooping up the Captain’s teeth. I dislike that Anya. She’s newly human and strangely literal. Like, is the hippo going,’Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!’ I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community. You can’t spend the rest of your life waiting for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie. They need to take seven and they might take yours. Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life was when you were dead. I like to think of myself more as a ‘guest-age’. With any luck, he’ll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates. I find it a bit sad that you think of yourself as a candidate for anyone’s fantasy. The only way some people can find a purpose in life is by becoming obsessed with demons. I’m a rogue demon hunter now. If you can’t do something smart, do something right. Welcome to the future, where cars fly, robots serve our every whim, and genetically engineered dinosaurs rule the Earth. Say! look at you! You look just like me! We’re very pretty. They’ve got those hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. Spike follows the exciting smell of blood and we follow the fairly ripe smell of Spike. Okay, at this point you’re abusing sarcasm. If I was blind, I would see you. So, she’s added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. You could, uh, could have, like, a world without shrimp, or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. I’m a rogue demon hunter now.
Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity. We’re outlaws with hearts of gold. Freedom is life’s great lie. Don’t be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn’t a demon. She’s a witch. So, she’s added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire.
Turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse. The news isn’t there to tell you what happened. It’s there to tell you what it wants you to hear or what it thinks you want to hear. Well, I’m sure I’m in serious need of some moral spankitude, but guess who’s not qualified to be my Rabbi? The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems. You’ll fight, and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other ’til it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers. You’re gonna die screaming but you won’t be heard. Say! look at you! You look just like me! We’re very pretty. You’re lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy.
You haven’t seen my drawer of inappropriate starches? Okay, uh, I’m lost. I’m angry. And I’m armed. No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. I am never gonna see a merman, ever. Wash, we’ve got some local color happening. If the apocalypse comes…beep me! I wanna hurt you, but I can’t resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body! These are stone killers, little man. They ain’t cuddly like me. Well, I haven’t been to a hell dimension just of late, but I do know a thing or two about torment.
I’m the one who brings about the thought-pocalypse. Frankly, it’s ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not…interlock. The lambs have passed through the gate. If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion actually was there, it would’ve been like Woodstock. In the time of gods and monsters, what is the worth of a man? Well, look at me. I’m all fuzzy. That probably would’ve sounded more commanding if I wasn’t wearing my yummy sushi pajamas. And zombies don’t eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. Time is what turns kittens into cats.
You’re really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren’t you? These endless days are finally ending in a blaze. Seems odd you’d name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of. Say Skywalker, and I smack ya. I gave birth to a pterodactyl. Can everybody just notice how much fire I’m not on? If you say ‘adorabubble,’ I’m leaving. It’s just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. One of my personalities happens to be a multiple personality, but that doesn’t make me a multiple personality.
Someone else’s loss is my chocolatey goodness. Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn’t even stand in line, did you? So, I’m wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Frankly, it’s ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not…interlock. I don’t want to use the word genius, but I’d be ok if you wanted to.